It’s a Hard Knocked Up Life
@scarlettimes SCARLETT
Okay, the title is a bit misleading. I’m not pregnant again, I’m just emotional about the whole ordeal and really wanting to talk about it. Currently, bitty-baby is on my lap, tiny fists latched into my shirt while he dozes, and I’m full of love and joy at his very existence.
I’m also kind of struggling with myself.
I have always been a very focused, perfectionist personality in all aspects of my life; it’s a useful trait in my work as a wedding planner, but sometimes does get in the way of my personal life and relationships. I even tend to approach sex and masturbation with clinical efficiency, although that does not undermine my (or my partner’s) enjoyment as some people tend to think.
Recently, I had a little time to myself and my wand vibrator. And by a ‘little time,’ I mean less than two hours before I would have to pick the kid up from his grandma’s. Post-pregnancy, I haven’t had much time to masturbate, so I’ve never really considered how different it might be now, and picked up where I generally would have left off: a hard, steady pace that this handheld is best for, with barely any warm up. Yet I find a half-hour in that although my legs are shaky, it is from exhausted frustration more than anything. My wrist was too taut, my clit was more numb than nerve-filled, and I was patently not turned on.
I genuinely just lay there in contemplative shock for a bit. What, I have a baby and now I have to change my entire well-proven, go-for-gold method!? Unfair. With that in mind, I start again a bit slower. I’ll admit it’s been a while since I’ve been more exploratory with myself, touching for touching’s sake; it’s a bit disconcerting to feel the lines where my body has changed, the stomach that still hasn’t quite gone back to normal, my thighs thicker and tender. I used the vibrator on its lowest setting to massage around there, relaxing my muscles until I felt that certain spark again, and with a (what I consider) gentle on and off pressure, I brought myself to…near orgasm. Didn’t quite have the time or patience for more than that.
I spent the rest of the day thinking about that session, which while fun, required a whole lot more time and effort than I was used to. In some ridiculous way, it feels like a betrayal of my body, to have such a visceral shift in preferences. Realistically, I am a champion of talking about self-love and body positivity. Humanly, I am also a hypocrite at times. I need to trust that as things change, so must I and my priorities, yet I still feel as if I am grabbing at my pre-pregnancy self, utterly confident in my body and sexuality.
Farewell my loves. I am hoping for some orgasmic clarity soon!
>>reply from @odd1ty ODETTE
thighs good
>>reply from @scarlettimes SCARLETT
…Thank you????
>>reply from @jenderful JEN
agreed. thighs good
Written by: Spencer M.F. Rodrick
