I’VE BEEN COCK-BLOCKED BY A BABY

@scarlettimes  Scarlett

Although my body post-pregnancy has been feeling all over the place, my libido certainly has not! So I’m here to tell you an anecdote about being ‘baby-blocked’ from romantic evenings with my fiancé. Having a kid is a big deal - I definitely didn’t expect one this soon, but no matter your plans, life will apparently spring abundant (and scream-cry at ten at night when you’ve just gotten in the mood). 

Yeah, we had just gotten into bed at that point. Some quiet making out in the kitchen between dishes, a good old stumble up the stairs and tumble into the covers; a touch of that classic intimacy that comes with having lived and loved together for a good few years, mixed with the excitement of a quiet household. Not for long, of course. Quite literally just as the two of us are lifting our respective shirts, the mini-man starts up with a SCREAM. So imagine this, me on the bed with my shirt over my face, Davey hovering over me with his own shirt over his, and we can just baaaarely see each other through the layers of cloth. But we do, and we make immediate, desperately tragic eye contact. Then the kid screams again.

I love the little ball of dough to pieces (yes, he’s still a roly-poly), but that doesn’t mean I can’t feel some disappointment over not getting to look after myself. Six months in, and we are just barely getting to a point where our schedules are manageable again. Personally, I’ve been wind-milling between crazed boredom from not being at work (god forbid I answer an email, everyone freaks out at me about over-stressing myself) and crazed panic from being faced with a tiny, squishy human who is looking mighty close to getting on all fours and skittering through the house.

Well, life goes on. I’ve got a girls lunch to get to, where I can continue complaining about my lack in lover-ing. Guess I’ll update you again once I’ve gotten laid! (or when the baby does something cute)

@odd1ty ODETTE

not my boyfriend throwing a fit over me saying I want to use more toys in the bedroom

>>reply from @jenderful JEN

    throw HIM

@jenderful JEN

it’s time to hit the record for most self-induced orgasms a woman has ever had

>>reply from @odd1ty ODETTE

    So your date…went well??

    >>reply from @jenderful JEN 

        sure, but that doesn’t mean he’s involved

All Fictional work is written and produced by Spencer M.F. Rodrick