What To Do When You’re Doing It (Wrong)

@odd1ty

In the midst of sex with my boyfriend, I had a realization that sort of took the wind out of my sails. Being the one on top, I opened my eyes to watch him enjoying himself, and thought ‘oh, he hasn’t put his hands on me since we were just making out.’ I was suddenly hyper-aware of my cold, bare skin, boobs just flopping about while his hands lay empty by his sides. He wasn’t even clinging to the sheets in pleasure or anything!

We finished off that night - or more accurately, he finished, and I got bored - and he tumbled straight to sleep, but I found myself locked in wakefulness, thinking back on other times we’ve had sex, trying to convince myself I was being insane, or nit-picky. But really…he doesn’t touch me much at all when we’re intimate. Both in the sense that he seems to find it troublesome to start off with going down on me or using his fingers, but also in that he stops grabbing and smoothing and all those nice little extras that elevate the experience. I’m a touchy person; so is he! Outside of the bedroom, he is constantly nearby with pats to the ass or a hand on my waist, and I love hanging off his arm while we walk and talk. 

I don’t doubt his love for me. I do, however, doubt he is making an effort to remember that little fact when he’s in the throes of passion. Even after I bought the couple's vibrator and we had a wonderful night with it, he seems to have almost been avoiding using it. Of course, he’d been a little surprised/resistant to it at first anyway, but I’d hoped he would say something if it made him uncomfortable or just…didn’t do it for him. Which I’d be a little saddened by, but I know there’s no lack of other tricks and toys we could try out. I understand that in the moment it can be hard to make your hands move, to focus on anything other than your own feelings but I can’t help but wish he was a bit more active in such activities. I want him to feel good; I also want to feel good, though, and it’s hard to do that once I’ve noticed he is putting in minimal effort for my sake. Masturbation is one thing, but sex is a tango - and it takes at least two. So while both of us are in the bed, I have this strange sensation that only one of us is actually having sex. And it isn’t me.

I would never consider this a deal breaker, but it’s becoming more and more obvious that this is an ongoing problem, and I don’t want to fester in the feeling. For anyone out there that’s been through the same thing: any advice? How did you approach this topic, and what actually changed? 

>>reply from @scarlettimes SCARLETT

    I’ve often found guys who struggle reciprocating in sex need really clear instruction, which is     annoying, but it does eventually get through their heads. We all wish we could be magically having the best sex of our lives, but sadly we have to actually talk about it first!

@jenderful JEN

oh i just remembered the funniest thing. Brb will tell y’all later

Written by: Spencer M.F. Rodrick